Leadership Conditioning I’m No Longer Falling For

There’s a trend making the rounds online lately: people sharing the “propaganda” they’re not falling for anymore.

It struck a chord. Many leaders reposted it, shared their take, and named the stories they’re no longer subscribing to.

Here’s mine.

But I’m not calling it propaganda.

To me, it’s conditioning.

Subtle. Repeated. Reinforced over time until it feels like truth.

These are the messages I’ve absorbed over two decades in clinical research and leadership — and the ones I’ve spent the last few years consciously unlearning.

Conditioning I’m Not Falling For Anymore

1. Burnout as a badge of honour

We don’t earn our leadership stripes through exhaustion.

Research shows burnout reduces productivity, increases turnover, and even impacts physical health.¹ Leaders with fuel in the tank make better decisions, model healthier behaviours for their teams, and actually sustain performance. Commitment isn’t measured by how many nights you work past midnight. It’s measured by the quality of your choices and the wellbeing of the people you lead.

2. Leadership = always being “on”

The best leaders aren’t available 24/7. They’re present when it matters.

A Harvard Business Review study found that leaders who create boundaries not only protect their energy but also earn greater respect from their teams.² Why? Because being “always on” leads to reactive decision-making, not thoughtful strategy. Emotional regulation, discernment, and the ability to zoom out that’s the real flex.

3. Saying no means you’re not a team player

“No” isn’t rejection — it’s redirection.

Boundaries create clarity. They help you lead with integrity instead of resentment. Teams don’t thrive under “yes machines.” They thrive when their leaders set clear priorities and protect the team’s energy. In fact, research on psychological safety shows teams are more innovative when leaders model boundary-setting.³

4. Calm leaders aren’t ambitious enough

Let’s retire the myth that calm = passive.

The calmest people in the room are often the ones making the boldest moves. Stability isn’t passivity — it’s a deliberate strategy. Neuroscience tells us calm leaders regulate their stress response, which improves decision-making under pressure. That means their teams feel safer, think more creatively, and perform better when the stakes are high.

5. You should be grateful… even when you’re drowning

Gratitude is powerful, but it shouldn’t be weaponised.

Yes, gratitude fuels resilience. But gratitude doesn’t mean tolerating what’s unsustainable. You can be thankful for your role and recognise when it’s breaking you. Both can be true. Genuine gratitude coexists with boundaries — it doesn’t demand self-sacrifice.

Why This Matters

This conditioning doesn’t just drain leaders’ energy. It warps our definition of what leadership should look like.

It rewards burnout. Glorifies chaos. And sidelines grounded, inclusive leadership.

But I’m done performing leadership.

I’m choosing clarity over chaos.
Boundaries over burnout.
Purpose over pressure.

What to Do Instead: 3 Steps to Reframe Leadership

1. Redefine Productivity - Stop equating hours worked with impact made. Begin tracking outcomes, not overtime. Share wins in terms of decisions made, relationships strengthened, and momentum created not just tasks completed.

2. Protect Your Energy Like a Business Asset - Your energy drives your clarity, judgement, and creativity. Schedule recovery time the same way you schedule strategy sessions. Even short pauses in the day prevent depletion and signal to your team that wellbeing is a leadership priority.

3. Make Boundaries Visible - Model what healthy leadership looks like by saying “no” with clarity and calm. Explain the why behind your decisions, so your team learns that boundaries aren’t rejection, they’re alignment with purpose. This normalises sustainable practices across the organisation.

A Question for You

What’s one piece of leadership conditioning you’re done carrying?

¹ Shanafelt, T.D., et al. (2022). Mayo Clinic Proceedings – Physician burnout rates.
² Harvard Business Review (2018). Research on digital boundaries and leadership effectiveness.
³ Edmondson, A. (2019). The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace